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  • February 17, 2009

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed “Sebsequential Internal Non-Morality,” or S.I.N. as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms are:

  • Loss of direction
  • Foul vocal emissions
  • Lack of peace and joy
  • Amnesia of origin
  • Selfish or violent behavior
  • Depression or confusion in the mental component
  • Fearfulness
  • Idolatry
  • Rebellion

The manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is probividing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: Jeremiah 33:3 Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

  • Love
  • Joy
  • Peace
  • Patience
  • Kindness
  • Goodness
  • Faithfulness
  • Gentleness
  • Self control

Please see the operating manual, “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth” or B.I.B.L.E. for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

Thank you for your attention

GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Maker at any time by “Kneemail”.

When I was in school I learned a mnemonic for remembering the digits in Pi. Simply count the number of the letters in each word of the phrase:

“Yes, I shot a moose yesterday as George drove”

When you do this you get 3.14159265

Late last year, my daughter came to work with me and for fun she worked on extending it out to the following phrase:

“Yes, I shot a moose yesterday as George drove you crazy insanely bantering because Elisabeth had to say brothers need wisdom to vacuum your rug and remember not to reserve uncovered pizza.”

This gives you the much more impressive 3.1415926535897932384626433832795

Unfortunately, we had to stop there as the next digit in Pi is 0.

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  • April 17, 2008

I know 3 couples in the midst of divorces. Hmm… More food for thought.

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  • April 5, 2008

Old Version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

Moral of the Story

Be responsible for yourself!

New Version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. All the networks show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on a talk show with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”

A political activist stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.” He then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper’s sake.

Politicians exclaim in an interview on a different talk show that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

A senator gets their old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that the President appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around him because he doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

Moral of the Story

Be careful how you vote.

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  • April 5, 2008

Because of a weird twist of fate, my new computer did not come with any software to burn CDs or DVDs even though it has a burner. Last night, at 12:30am, I really needed to burn a CD before going to bed. I tried Microsoft’s built in CD burner, but it failed. Actually it never started. I couldn’t seem to convince it that I had actually inserted a blank CD. So I hit the internet trail and came across an outstanding open source CD/DVD burnning application called InfraRecorder. In the span of 15 mintues this application has earned a place in my short list of must install applications for Windows PCs.

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  • March 31, 2008

Each year our family looks forward to going to Hope Lodge up on Steven’s Pass to spend a weekend with 5-6 families composed of several dozen children. This year one of older boys brough his camcorder and put together this video. Aside from a hike on the Iron Goat trail (I didn’t check this website until after got home) What you see in the video is pretty much all we did all day long.

I came across a fun word game on the internet today.

Rules:

  • Take a word and remove the first letter.
  • Now make up a definition for your new word.

Examples:

FAMISHED
Hungering for a simpler way of life.
SHAMPOO
Soap for washing a pig.
SHAREHOLDER
Investor in a company that makes magician’s hats.
CHIPMUNK
Squirrel that digs jazz.
DIARRHEA
Running on about oneself.
PICKPOCKET
A place to put used Kleenex.
FRISKIES
Cat food made in China.
SUNRISE
Going back to bed in the morning.
FRANTIC
Desperately raving.
SOFTWARE
A program you use a lot.
TABLEWARE
Crockery that really does the job.
BLACKLIST
All the stuff you don’t have.

A friend mentioned this video playlist on YouTube. I have been pondering the ramifications ever since. As the author states, I never learned about this in school either. It certainly is a lot to think about.