The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed “Sebsequential Internal Non-Morality,” or S.I.N. as it is primarily expressed.
The manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is probividing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: Jeremiah 33:3 Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
Please see the operating manual, “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth” or B.I.B.L.E. for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
Thank you for your attention
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Maker at any time by “Kneemail”.